Friday, July 11, 2008

Busy Brain, Excitement and the Tightrope Walk of Motherhood

By Kelly

I couldn’t fall asleep last night.

I should have started twitching as soon as my head hit my faux goose down pillow. Two weeks ago, I helped out at our church’s Vacation Bible School. (Read: Fun but crazy schedule.) Last week, my husband and I took our three kids – Natalie (6), Connor (4) and Teyla (5 months) – to six days of family camp in the Minnesota north woods. (Read: Fun but crazy schedule.) And the days since we got home from camp have been a vortex of laundry and fireworks and grocery shopping and the lake and more laundry.

What I’m saying is – I’m physically exhausted.

But when my mind is spinning, I’m not sleepy. Busy brain, my husband and I call it. And nothing gives me busy brain like eager anticipation.

It’s just hard to relax when you’re sitting on a secret as good as this one.

Ever since Stephanie invited me to be on the 5 Minutes for Parenting team, I’ve been flying high. Giddy, even.

Do you remember how you felt the day you first took a pregnancy test – and it was positive? Such a happy little secret. It’s like sneaking a square of Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate with Caramel right before dinner - without the kids noticing.

I’m excited by everything the 5 Minutes of Parenting site has to offer. Great writing. Unique voices. A solid brand. The fellowship of moms. The empathy. The support. The laughter.

But as I lay in bed last night, staring at the night stand, I was jolted by the thought, “Wow, you’re more excited about this than you are about being a mom, most days.”

That’s not true, of course. At least, not all of the time.

But almost immediately, I saw a mental mash-up of the kids’ bedtime routine just a few hours earlier. I impatiently thumbed through a magazine while Teyla nursed herself to sleep. (Do cows get reading material when they’re hooked up to those milking machines? I'm just sayin'.) I rushed through bedtime stories with Connor and Natalie, gave them a peck on the head even as my body turned toward the door, and whispered “Goodnightloveyou!” over my shoulder.

And the whole time, I was inwardly glowing over the 5 Minutes for Parenting debut.

To top it all off, my personal blog is named Love Well. It’s suppose to be a reminder for me to slow down and focus on what really matters – my husband, my children, my faith. To love well, each day. To make that my priority.

Oh the irony. It’s as rich as maple syrup.

Yet, if you’re reading this blog, I suspect you understand this tension. I don’t know a mom alive who doesn’t fall madly in love with her children every night when she tucks them into bed. Sleeping children - hair smelling like Johnson’s, skin kissed by the sun - are the closest thing to angels this side of heaven. (Don’t even get me started on sleeping babies, with their little bums in the air like tiny stink bugs, cheeks rosy and damp. It’s too much to take.)

But that loving maternal glow has a way of vanishing at 3:30 AM when one of the angels screams, “Mommy! Come in here quick!”

It’s like walking a tightrope. We aim to walk steady and sure, one foot in front of the other, head held high in unwavering poise.

But more often than not, we pitch and weave and stumble and adjust.

I’m so glad we’re in this together.

Kelly is also known to blog at Love Well if the kids ever go to bed early.

10 comments:

  1. So well put, Kelly! I am so excited to see you, Steph, and Megan are a part of this great new site and to "meet" the other moms I haven't yet had the pleasure of virtually visiting with.

    Here's hoping you have a chance to rest up and relax in the near future.

    Take care,
    Steph

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  2. Well put. I also do the mad dash out the door... "Love ya. Good night." I hold my breathe. Just in case the baby decides to scream before I get out the door! I also need to be reminded that this is my job and I need to take pride in it..and not just at bedtime!

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  3. I just loved this post.

    Steph

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  4. Yes, I'm right there with you at bedtime, sayin' the prayers, "DearLordThankyouforthisdayandeverythingYougiveusinJesusnamewepray,Amen." Quickly followed by kisshugnightbabysleeptightloveyou! And then I'm nothing but bummy and elbows to her.

    But I love her more than anything, and sometimes about 30 minutes later I creep back to her room to cuddle and snorgle her a little longer. It's like at the end of the day I'm just DONE being a Mama, but then it only takes a few minutes to get recharged and I'm back in there needin' a fix.

    I guess that makes me a motherhood junky?

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  5. I'm a fellow Busy Brain sufferer, but I didn't know my condition had a name! Now I do. Wow, 5 Minutes for Parenting is teaching me things already.

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  6. Congratulations on the new blogging gig!

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  7. I'm giddy hearing that you were giddy over your new gig.

    We are thrilled to have you!

    And I'm so with you on every point in this post. Sometimes it can take me hours to fall asleep because my brain is busy thinking up projects to keep me even more busy the next day.

    I just love this image:

    "Don’t even get me started on sleeping babies, with their little bums in the air like tiny stink bugs, cheeks rosy and damp. It’s too much to take."

    It paints a perfect image of Janice's babies. Both Jackson (when he was a baby) and Olivia sleep like that -- with their little bums in the air. My baby girls both sleep on their sides so I never get to see "their little bums in the air like tiny stink bugs."

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  8. I had already copied this part, to say AMEN - that is the PERFECT description of how I feel:

    "Yet, if you’re reading this blog, I suspect you understand this tension. I don’t know a mom alive who doesn’t fall madly in love with her children every night when she tucks them into bed. Sleeping children - hair smelling like Johnson’s, skin kissed by the sun - are the closest thing to angels this side of heaven. (Don’t even get me started on sleeping babies, with their little bums in the air like tiny stink bugs, cheeks rosy and damp. It’s too much to take.)"

    When I clicked over and saw that Susan commented about the SAME thing! LOL We ARE twins!!! LOL And We are ALL OVER that little bum sticking int he air. AND add int he tiny little crossed feet and I am just so in love it is beyond what a heart can take. TOTAL bliss.

    We are so giddy to have you and all of the teams too. You all are so fantastic - we are besides ourselves with excitement about working with you.

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  9. We start VBS next week, and yes, it will be fun, but I'm not looking forward to the busy schedule either.

    I've been giddy with anticipation waiting for the launch of these sites, too.

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  10. So glad to be a fellow "sister", and I can't possibly adore this post more. Great job.

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