Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I Can't Believe I'm Having Triplets

By Kelly

I really want to write a crazy lead paragraph for this post -- I found a toenail in my Jamba Juice today! I'm moving to Morocco! I drove my car off the side of a mountain and was buried in snow for days! -- but I suspect you're aware of the date already.

Or if you weren't before, you are now.

April Fool's Day is something of a tradition in our house. It's a fun day, if not a day to watch your back (and not believe anything you hear on the telephone). When I was young, the day was marked by memorable meals, like the time my Mom made blue milk and green mashed potatoes. When I was in college, April Fool's legalized the pranks my friends and I were already plotting; the most interesting of which involved nails, super-glue, Saran Wrap, water and a fish. (Such are the days of our lives when one hangs out with those studying to become youth pastors.)

Now that I'm a mom myself, I'm looking forward to pulling a few innocent, no-harm-done type of pranks. Family Fun has a collection of brilliant fake food recipes. Personally, I'm hoping to try the Faux Fish Sticks (rectangular cookies smeared with PB then rolled in crushed corn flakes) with a side of Faux Peas (pieces of green taffy rolled into tiny balls) and Faux French Fries (bread sticks cleverly shaped and dusted with sugar instead of salt) served with Faux Ketchup (seedless strawberry jam stirred into a runny consistency). I might also try a few of these lunchbox gags.

If my kids were old enough to shower by themselves, I would sneak into the bathroom tonight and screw a tiny piece of plastic wrap under their shampoo lids. (And if they were old enough to clean the bathroom themselves, I might consider using some on the toilet. But something tells me, that one would backfire. The old lady bladder, she ain't what she used to be.) If I wanted to keep it clean, both figuratively and literally, I could write some potty humor quips ("What are poo doing?") on strips of toilet paper and float them in the bowl.

Or, I might try one of these other simple practical jokes:

  • Shake some baby powder in the hair dryer for a morning hair-do worthy of Barbara Bush.

  • Remove all the bags of cereal from their boxes and play switch-a-roo.

  • Paint some green spots on the inside of a sandwich bag to make a sandwich look moldy.

  • Use a small corer to drill a tiny hole in a whole apple, which can then be filled with a gummy worm.

  • Insert a small raisin into the end of the toothpaste tube for an eye-popping surprise.

  • Tuck this April Fool's Day word search into a lunchbox or schoolbag; the only word they'll be able to find is April Fool's.

  • An older child would appreciate the origami rock craft.

  • Or (my personal favorite) tell your victim that you recently watched a show on the Discovery Channel that salt, when sprinkled liberally on a stick of butter, can make the butter get hot. Grab a stick of room temperature butter, sprinkle on some salt, hold your hand over and act like it's starting to heat up. Encourage your friend to do the thing. As soon as their hand is over the butter, smash it down.


For more inspiration -- and some great laughs -- check out this list of the Top 100 April Fool's Day Pranks.

And have fun. You only get to be a parent for today.

April Fool's!

Kelly also blogs at Adventures in Babywearing.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Jabberwocky

By Kelly

Listen.

Do you hear that?

It’s silence.

At least, that’s what I hear right now. I hear nothing but the whoosh of warm air into my bedroom and the methodical tick-tock of my periwinkle alarm clock. Everyone else is asleep, the room is dark and the hush is almost palpable.

I can feel the peace seeping into my soul, relaxing both my shoulders and my brain.

Ahhhhh.

I love my kids. I love them to pieces. But I’m apparently raising a gaggle of jabberwockies. And some days, the nonstop chatter gets to me.

Right now, my five-year-old son is the prime offender. He follows me around all day, talking and talking and talking. “Mom, I’m making some pizza. Do you want some.” “Mom, look at my Lego guy. He’s a crusher!” “Mom, let’s play a game. Do you want to be queens or twos?” “Mom, here’s the gun I made for you. It shoots jellies.” “Mom, do you know why Short Round is hanging from the Coast Guarder helicopter?” “Mom. Mom. MOM!”

Most days, I deal with the stream of sound with a lot of prayer and a fair dose of laughter. But yesterday, at lunchtime, I found myself saying (for real), “Buddy, can you be quiet for just five minutes? Just five minutes so Mommy can think without her brain exploding out of her head?”

Then, because he was starting to look hurt, “Maybe we can try to make this peanut butter and jelly sandwich together, using only sign language. Do you think we can do that?’

He looked at me quizzically. “No, Mom. That’s silly. Why would we want to do that?”

And he was off again.

I sighed.

I don’t want to crush his spirit, and I know these days of having him at home with me are fleeting. There are times I love listening to his unfiltered thoughts (“You know, Mom, when you crashed the car yesterday, you made me pop!”), and his view on life often makes me giggle (“Mom, stop singing! You’re giving me a song ache!”).

But other days? Oh my word, child. You’re driving Mommy insane.

I think that's part of the reason it's hard for us mommies to go to bed at night. Once the kid are asleep and silence is all we hear, we need to soak it in for a while. It's a healing balm. The quiet is restorative.

And we know we'll need a reserve for the next day, when the chatter inevitably starts up again, often before we even get out of bed.

Right Mom? Right?

Mom?

If it's quiet long enough, Kelly can also be found blogging at Love Well.