Association is a powerful thing.
This time last September, I was eight weeks pregnant. And I was sick. Oh so very sick. I lived in a film of nausea. I functioned – as a Mom to three, I didn’t have a choice. But I was miserable every minute of every day.
Normally, I love fall. In the Upper Midwest, it’s a season of glory. The scarlet-hued trees, the clear blue skies, the crisp clean air. It’s perfection.
But this year, when the top of the maple trees started to burn with orange, I didn’t feel happy. I felt sick. And when the geese started to honk and fly overhead, I craved some toast. And the thought of spending another Saturday on the soccer field made me want to crawl into my bed and not come out until Christmas.
I assure you, I’m definitely not pregnant right now. What gives?
Association.
To this day, I get queasy when I hear the theme music for the Higglytown Heros, because clips of the show were peppered throughout the Playhouse Disney schedule in winter 2003, when I was pregnant with Connor (and toddler Natalie watched a lot of TV while I laid on the couch). I vividly remember the Thanksgiving Day when I found out I was pregnant with Natalie. I felt like I was living in a Tim Burton movie. Even during Teyla’s pregnancy, which was the easiest first trimester of the four, I was disgusted by the heady smell of the lilacs blooming around the house.
Thus, I know – this too shall pass. Next September, my gag reflex won’t be triggered by thoughts of bonfires and hot chocolate. I won’t feel the need to lie down when I see the leaves change.
The association doesn’t last long.
But this?
This lasts forever.
Which is why my strongest association with pregnancy is joy.
Kelly chronicled her final pregnancy here at 5 Minutes for Parenting. You can find her personal ramblings on her blog Love Well.
Yes, and he is TOTALLY worth it. I can't remember if I had this type of associations the year after Matthew was born -- I was in such a haze of sleep deprivation at the time I probably didn't KNOW what season it was. But one thing's for sure: I will never eat pumpkin crunch again. It's the one food I actually ever threw up during that pregnancy, and while it was amazing going down, I can't imagine anything less pleasant to have come up. I hope you get to find some enjoyment in THIS fall, and I hope you are having a good week. I've been thinking of you and praying for you! :)
ReplyDeleteI know this very well. I have associations with certain things, still, not just pregnancy related, but I have found time to be my friend. That's a wonderful thing!
ReplyDeleteSteph
This is a beautiful post! I found myself getting misty-eyed. I agree the things that we associate with pregnancy doesn't last long but every moment with our children is nothing but joyous.
ReplyDeleteBy the way that picture is priceless!
VhjqmgjrNhs.. Dandy :)
ReplyDelete